Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
