Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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