i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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