she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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