Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
