do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
