He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
