I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
