kristin has been a bad kristin
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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