so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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