I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
