Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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