Tell her she can't have a vagina
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
