I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
