There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
