My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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