i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
