Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
