at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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