I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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