i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
