I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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