Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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