I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
