Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
