im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
there is glitter all over my balls
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