That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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