Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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