Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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