my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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