I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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