I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
