yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
