i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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