i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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