how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
