am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
