My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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