I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
