totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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