Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
