and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
