How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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