I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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