Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
