She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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