I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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