I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
