I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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