My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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