we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
