U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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