You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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