Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
