I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
