$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
