if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
