She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
