Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
