Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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