We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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