Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
