eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
