he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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