Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
