Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
