it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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