There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
