It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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