Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
