Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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