have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
