Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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