Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
