Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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