never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
