I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
