He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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