If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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