you guys were way drunker than both of me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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