dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
