don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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