Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
