It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
