i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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