Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My first STD was from a foam party
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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